You’re in a rectangular room with a raised platform upfront. The door is to the left of the platform. There are those single chairs with flaps for writing dotted across the classroom. It is lit in bright white light—good for visibility but it feels like you are in a hospital. The class is almost full, some students pay attention, most are secretly scrolling Instagram under the tables. You decided to pay attention today so you sat on the first table....
Content Warning: Discussions of internalised fatphobia and consequent self-hating thoughts. Thoughts The folks over at Maintenance Phase Pod were absolutely right – dieting may lead to weight-loss, but more often than not it leads to rapid weight gain later. I experienced it. According to the BMI scale, I am 1 point away from Obese. The word hangs heavy in my chest. My clothes remind me that I am fat, and somehow, by extension that I am a failure....
There is a lot of noise in my brain right now. Honestly, my brain is soup at this point. So I will write this in the form of a numbered list: I am doing too many things at once. Again. I do not want to admit it but I am falling into the old habit of doing so much that I effectively just do nothing. My brain keeps jumping from interest to interest....
a house never complete. the one that lives in it, perennially at work—building it, decorating it, on occasion, destroying it. another house, on the same plot. a house that once was, or rather, the houses that once were. un-empty, or rather, as full as houses that once were can be. another house, on the same plot, a house the one dreams of. bursting with ambition, or despair, mutating with every passing second....
“Hey, I don’t usually do this, ask strangers, I mean, but can I borrow a cigarette?” “For a brief second I thought you were going to ask me out. Embarrassed flush I’m sorry I don’t smoke.” Awkward silence. A chance and a seat taken “You know what? This is good. I really shouldn’t be smoking” “No one should” A loud cheer in the background, some team is winning “No… I mean, I work on air pollution, and a part of me feels like I am just as bad as those corporates”...
edit: After further tests, it was determined that I had ligament injury, and not a fracture. K and I walked towards the gate of Trendset Mall. I checked my phone, and realising my mistake in booking an Uber, I informed him that the Uber auto had arrived at the other gate of the mall. I started walking towards it and K tried to accompany me, as good friends often do, even though he had to head towards the basement of the mall....
We rescued Shuri in 2019. An asocial pup, she came to us with a lot of anxiety. She refused to be picked up, hugged or cuddled with. She would often hide beneath the bed or dining table. At the time, I was also going through clinical depression. Because Shuri is a pug, she frequently falls ill as pugs tend to be susceptible to health problems due to the unethical nature of their breeding process....
I am lying in my bed, staring at the fan. I haven’t stepped out in days. The laundry bag is piling up, reminding me of the 99 ways in which I am failing to be an adult. The dishes need to be placed back into their respective slots. No one at home, except for me. I reach out to grab my phone and feel sick as soon as the display glows....
Like a five-star meal, the ingredients of The Bear are picked, crafted and cooked with utmost care and artistry. Hey, yes, we are talking about The Bear. I started watching it with no expectations, primarily because of the hype. But I was not expecting to be this moved by the show. Mild spoilers ahead. Carmen Berzatto (Jeremy Allen-White), is one of the top chefs in the US. He returns to his family restaurant, a small joint in a Chicago that is far from the fine dining luxury Carmen “Carmy” is used to working in....
I approach movement as something my body needs. (Obviously, I can do so because I haven’t had to think about fatness due to being lean my entire life). Like we need to breathe, eat, sleep… we need to move. But it is hard for me to connect to my body, which is weird to say because don’t I literally exist in it? What I mean, I guess, is that I don’t perceive or acknowledge it....